I've been feeling very disorganized lately - supremely so. I've been having trouble focusing at work and trouble motivating myself to do things that aren't looking toward what I would like to do in the future. Kind of grim.
I'm not sure where all of the grimness is coming from. Sure, getting kicked out of my place took its toll. That ticket did too, and cemented my eternal hatred for Minnesota. But really I think my soul-crushing office job is what is really getting to me. I am sure it is perfect for someone but it's very clear to me that I am not that person. I spend most of my time sitting in front of a computer screen thinking about mundane tasks and details. I rarely interact in a meaningful way with anyone, though sometimes I truly value my coworkers, and rarely think about the Big Picture Ideas that get me all excited. To make matters worse, when I get "home" I cook dinner and feel exhausted. Also, I feel like I never have any time to myself anymore. It's kind of like there is never any silence in my life anymore. I have come to realize how dearly I need that silence.
But anyway, that's not the main point of my post. I wanted to talk about NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month (more info here: LINK). I've known about it for years and years now. Ever since I gained an online presence, which I suppose was when I was in 9th or 10th grade of high school, I've known about the event. That said, I've never participated. It seems great - a great and rewarding challenge.
Maybe I lack confidence in my creativity. Maybe I lack confidence in my ability to follow through. I do know that I am afraid my story wouldn't be well thought out, wouldn't go anywhere, there wouldn't be character development, etc. I am much more comfortable writing something like a journal entry. When I need to create someone (or heaven forbid multiple someones), they usually end up hitting a bit too close to home. Narcissistic? Hopefully not. I take it as a sign that I like to write what I know. Fantasy is a terrifying leap off into the unknown. Yes, I feel like I would have to research for at least a month prior to November to actually have the information necessary to actually write a novel in November.
The last big writing project I undertook was years ago. A (former) friend and I planned to write two novels, each of us writing a chapter at a time. We wouldn't tell the other our intended path for our section, we just had to write something and pass it along. Our stories actually started out quite interestingly - and differently - though one definitely sounded like a Chuck Palahniuk novel. It was a good exercise in creativity, as well as perspective-taking. Anyway, I think we ended up only getting through two or three chapters. The files are all on my old computer, which I gave to a friend and was later stolen. Too bad.
I thought about NaNoWriMo because a friend from college is participating this year. I've always admired people who end up finishing their novels - hell, even people who start and write every day. I think it's a really amazing feat - the definition of a novel is 50,000 words. That's a lot of pages. That's a lot of hours.
It brings up an interesting point. I'm not sure anyone with Admission Possible would be able to complete the task. It's the beginning of college applications, as well as the beginning of Kaplan training. Essentially, everyone is very busy getting students into college. It's not unheard of for people to work 11 hour days. Who is NaNoWriMo for? Although, who is the Internet for, really? I am lucky to have lived in places that have da webz, but if I were just living alone somewhere, I don't know how I would get online. At coffee shops?
Maybe I'll start my own NaNoWriMo and not tell anyone.
I'm not sure where all of the grimness is coming from. Sure, getting kicked out of my place took its toll. That ticket did too, and cemented my eternal hatred for Minnesota. But really I think my soul-crushing office job is what is really getting to me. I am sure it is perfect for someone but it's very clear to me that I am not that person. I spend most of my time sitting in front of a computer screen thinking about mundane tasks and details. I rarely interact in a meaningful way with anyone, though sometimes I truly value my coworkers, and rarely think about the Big Picture Ideas that get me all excited. To make matters worse, when I get "home" I cook dinner and feel exhausted. Also, I feel like I never have any time to myself anymore. It's kind of like there is never any silence in my life anymore. I have come to realize how dearly I need that silence.
But anyway, that's not the main point of my post. I wanted to talk about NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month (more info here: LINK). I've known about it for years and years now. Ever since I gained an online presence, which I suppose was when I was in 9th or 10th grade of high school, I've known about the event. That said, I've never participated. It seems great - a great and rewarding challenge.
Maybe I lack confidence in my creativity. Maybe I lack confidence in my ability to follow through. I do know that I am afraid my story wouldn't be well thought out, wouldn't go anywhere, there wouldn't be character development, etc. I am much more comfortable writing something like a journal entry. When I need to create someone (or heaven forbid multiple someones), they usually end up hitting a bit too close to home. Narcissistic? Hopefully not. I take it as a sign that I like to write what I know. Fantasy is a terrifying leap off into the unknown. Yes, I feel like I would have to research for at least a month prior to November to actually have the information necessary to actually write a novel in November.
The last big writing project I undertook was years ago. A (former) friend and I planned to write two novels, each of us writing a chapter at a time. We wouldn't tell the other our intended path for our section, we just had to write something and pass it along. Our stories actually started out quite interestingly - and differently - though one definitely sounded like a Chuck Palahniuk novel. It was a good exercise in creativity, as well as perspective-taking. Anyway, I think we ended up only getting through two or three chapters. The files are all on my old computer, which I gave to a friend and was later stolen. Too bad.
I thought about NaNoWriMo because a friend from college is participating this year. I've always admired people who end up finishing their novels - hell, even people who start and write every day. I think it's a really amazing feat - the definition of a novel is 50,000 words. That's a lot of pages. That's a lot of hours.
It brings up an interesting point. I'm not sure anyone with Admission Possible would be able to complete the task. It's the beginning of college applications, as well as the beginning of Kaplan training. Essentially, everyone is very busy getting students into college. It's not unheard of for people to work 11 hour days. Who is NaNoWriMo for? Although, who is the Internet for, really? I am lucky to have lived in places that have da webz, but if I were just living alone somewhere, I don't know how I would get online. At coffee shops?
Maybe I'll start my own NaNoWriMo and not tell anyone.
I still have them - they're actually pretty interesting reads. Here you go.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mediafire.com/?twdu8wjotu5apq2
If you do start NaNoWriMo secretly, best of luck. These stories are proof that you have what it takes.
-A former friend
I WOULD READ YOUR BOOK.
ReplyDeleteALSO I AM GLAD YOU ARE BACK TO BLOGGING!
Caps lock reflects my enthusiasm.