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So quick recap: WHAT THE FUCK SEBASTIAN. That was extraordinarily racist. Also, Santana actually could kick your ass, but you're not even worth it. Of course, daddy's boy, you'd go running to your wealthy father instead of being a decent human being.
Feeling pretty meh about the streets-off beatz-off between the Warblers and the New Directions. I see we are continuing with the "Glee will forever lack continuity" streak of things. Fair enough, but seriously, who would have thought the Warblers were so mean? They were really nice to Kurt. I blame Sebastian. Gillans (gay villans, obvi) ruin everything.
Blaine getting slushied and this whole plotline with him getting hurt is a little silly. Yay Glee! The cinematography(?) was pretty cool with the slushie being like blood and all. And yay Artie! Having lines! Yay! Don't give me that It Gets Better Project crap! Although I'm anti-violence so not really enjoying the rest of what he's saying.
Oh fuck. Him getting up out of his chair and walking away ruined it. This is the kind of ridiculous one resorts to when ONE DOES NOT HIRE A WHEELCHAIR DANCER. WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN COOL TO SEE A WHEELCHAIR DANCER ON MAINSTREAM TV? I THINK SO.
BUT OMG HARRY SHUM JR IN EYELINER MAKES UP FOR IT (almost/not really/99% kidding). Yes. Yes. Yes! Harry singing! He's decent and with autotune anything is possible. And of course Kevin McHale brings the vocal fire. No glasses? Cuter with imo.
Interesting song. I'm actually not super knowledgeable re: MJ songs. I like this song! Of course, this is the point of Glee, to make me realize I want to consume all of the music. Buy buy buy! Revive the failing music industry! But don't worry, we'll never play anyone you haven't heard of on the radio or SiriusXM.
Quinn and Rachel are "friends" (AKA LOVERS) and this is them confiding in each other. Quinn says "well you can't" [marry him]. WHY NOT QUINN? BECAUSE YOU WANT TO FUCK RACHEL BERRY ALL OVER THIS BATHROOM FLOOR??? Also, yay for Quinn getting into Yale. Faberry is all over this scene, which means it is A+. Lalala don't worry, Quinn has yet another personality this episode, and it is once again pseudo-feminista. Rachel, get over the fact that you are pretending to love Finn and go for the obvious choice. #All-Faberry, #all-the-time.
Yes, obviously we must follow this segment with the strong assertion of Quinn's heterosexuality by making her see/dance with all of the boys she's dated while singing about boys. Excuse me while I throw up over all of the things. WHY IS IRISH STILL THERE? Seriously, why is he around. Please please, someone put me out of my misery on this one.
Oh thanks Mr. Schue, Quinn really needed you to completely co-opt her big moment of achievement. Quinn, yes and no. It is so great to call attention to the community that supported you, but also, you did this yourself! You rocked it! Ugh. Ryan Murphy hates women. Did I mention that he hates women? Maybe, I don't know, SOCIETY was getting in your way? Maybe all of the men on this show were getting in the way? I do not think you were the only one to blame for your predicaments the past few years.
And enter on Santana. Damn, Santana, why did you knock on Kurt's outfit? I like it. Also, this is a scene with Kurt and Santana in it. LOL LOL LOL Santana is my favorite. Also yay Kurt's anti-violence. Yay gays! Yay taking the high road! Boo that this scene was only 1 minute long!
Samcedes! Sam-cedes! Sam-cedes! Sam is so cute with Mercedes but also this is a little intense and creepy. She's dating Shane. Sam can, but doesn't, take no for an answer. That's not okay. But yay! This song is beautiful! I am enjoying their duet rendition. So many feelings. Ugh, I hate when Glee is literal (e.g. they sang "reaching out" as Sam literally extended his hand to Mercedes to help her onstage. Also please, she doesn't need help getting on stage). DONT DO IT MERCEDES DONT DO IT. She's gonna do it. [they kiss obvi OMG SPOILER ALERT] SAM THAT WASNT COOL.
Kurt THERE ARE OTHER SCHOOLS BESIDES NYADA. SO. Much. Anticipation. Yay! Kurt is a finalist! We seemed to miss him actually, you know, auditioning in the first place. Also also, I love Burt Hummel. Go Nickelodeon GUTS! The Agro Cragg was always my favorite.
On another note, of course Rachel has to just steal the show. Yes, I feel bad for her. But honestly? She has so much more than her boyfriend. I am really not sure where that came from. And to reiterate what people have been saying for weeks: THERE ARE OTHER SCHOOLS BESIDES NYADA which by the way is a made up school to begin with. That said, Kurt looks real cute and is being really sweet. Wow I sound really straight right now.
SO. MANY. COMMERCIALS. ALL. CAPS. ALL. THE. TIME.
Lalala product placement with Finn bringing Blaine movies. Gotta sell that swag. Make that money. The one good thing about this episode is that there has been a lot of music. Music trumps actual show. Father in the room = annoyed blogger. This whole plotline is silly and ridiculous and a waste of my time. No one cares about Finchel. No one cares about Finn. WHERE'S THE BRITTANA???
Ahem. YES! This is the scene I have been waiting for you. Cello guys can you hang back for a second? Santana is My Hero. Yes! YES! Ouch. Sebastian!Warbler hurts my ears. This sounds like the Alien Ant Farm cover of Smooth Criminal (and of course I am into it). Yes! Santana brings the full force vocals. So much better than Sebastian. Cellists are about to orgasm. It's cool. Rock salt in a slushie? Wow, that's evil for Glee. Slushie to Santana? Not a good idea, she remembers that (remember Karofsky? I do).
Santana in charge = the best. LOL This is clever I taped it to my underboob. ::insert joke about me and Santana's underboob here:: Also she is not an object. Also yay! Brittany got a line. "True" - but backing up Santana.
Okay back to throwing up my lunch. FINCHEL IS OFF, FABERRY IS ON (in my headcanon only). No one cares when Finn sings. No one cares when Finn does anything because he is a useless, stupid, stupid potato sack. Where is Mark Salling? He is at least a better singer than Cory Monteith. Finn does look like he's losing it though. Rachel, too. This song is happening which means it has been going on for too long. I am sure this is of interest to someone. Just not me. I think we know which camp I'm in. And Rachel says she'll marry Finn and they will get married. I am thinking...divorced at 30 with two kids. LOL at the violinists/Brad sitting in the room watching them kiss. Only good part of this scene.
Also, where did the hour go? I swear, this was the most filler of filler episodes. Literally nothing happened (Finchel doesn't count because it's not real). Blaine got hurt. Santana was a badass and Kurt was a killjoy. Puck's one line was gold. Of course Artie is singing, with Rachel - they are the best singers on Glee (except maybe Santana, who obvi is also singing). Don't like this song. Yay Kurt! Another beautiful singer. Oh! I like this Glee people changing into each other.
Okay, but seriously. The song was about being colorblind. It defined race as the color of one's skin: typical white man position. There is some serious research that refutes this position, like, oh, I don't know, INSTITUTIONAL RACISM!?!?
So while yay! I am glad the other Warblers stood up to Sebastian! I also am frustrated because this was another opportunity to send a serious message about how racism can have real economic and social consequences, but instead we got a story about everyone needing to love each other because race is only a big deal if we're assholes and make it that way. Not. True. #RyanMurphyHatesOppressedPeople
Also glad Rachel is also a finalist. Not that I'm surprised. The end.
Summary:
A) Ryan Murphy Hates Women
B) Glee is about selling music (and other products)
C) Santana is a badass
D) Ryan Murphy thinks institutional oppression isn't real (so he's even more of a twat than previously thought)
E) MORE BRITTANA PLEASE!
3 years ago
