TSA and the Privilege of Passing

I am flying later today and I won't lie to you, I'm nervous. I've been reading a lot about the new scanning machines being placed into airport security as well as the new pat-down procedures allowed by the Transportation Security Administration and I'm underwhelmed by their promises of enhanced security. Even the mainstream media (they never agree with me! What is the world coming to?!) agrees that they are a very controversial matter - one that I will admit is being used to divert attention away from other, larger economic and societal concerns - and has highlighted various concerns that the new procedures engender. One concern is the fact that these "porno-machines," create "a high res version of your nude flabby body" (link is here). Others wag fingers at TSA for subjecting citizens to unsafe x-ray radiation equipment (Ralph Nader says so, and he's been a consumer advocate for years). Some are convinced that the procedures are in direct violation of the Constitution (Amendment 4 is usually cited).

I'm not arguing against any of these things. I think things have gone too far in the name of "national security," but I don't want to simply rehash what others have said. I think there is more to say. Not only do the new TSA scanning and frisking procedures infringe upon the public's basic human rights and dignities, they also provide another mechanism for instilling fear into and policing bodies deemed "deviant" by traditional American society.

Now is the time to tap deep down into your pathos. I think you know what I'm talking about when I say bodies deemed "deviant." When we are told to "dress to impress," what does that look like? I can think of an idea, I can think of a body that goes along with that idea, and I can think of things that are not that idea or that body. Thus, it is within a system of punishments and benefits based on adherence to identity-based rules and values that one must "pass" or face the consequences.

As a someone who is not gender-conforming (for a really simple definition, go here) I know on a day-to-day basis what it means to "pass" or conversely, to not pass. It's not some abstract concept - although academics like to make it that way - it's my lived reality. Do I pass today? The answer is usually no, because I'm not trying to "pass" as anything. And as such, I get punished. It is when I am scowled at on the street or when I try to make eye contact with others, it is denied. It is when my mom asks me if I "want to be a boy" because I wear "only boys clothing" (which is not true, by the way). It is the fear of or contempt toward shopping because I don't know which side of the store to shop on. It is the assumption that I must like women, and only women, and all women, so watch out, because I'm queer as fuck and I'm coming for you (women). This is my lived reality of not passing.

There are other ways I could not pass - in an airport setting especially. For a transsexual person, I would assume that traveling can only be seen as a huge nightmare. But for me, a day spent traveling is just a little more stressful than a normal day. This is my privilege, the privilege that my state driver's license picture looks like me, the privilege that I have not had to petition the state to change my name on my legal documents in order to procure a plane ticket and the privilege that I will not be second guessed or misgendered when handing a public officer my identification (although this has happened). This is my lived reality of passing as cissexual.

Beyond gender identity, I am White and atheist (do atheists look different than Christians? a digression worth pondering), so I don't need to worry about that. My Whiteness, which has taught me a white way of speaking and moving, that probably most goes unnoticed. This is my privilege, the privilege that no one will assume I am Muslim, the privilege that no one will assume I am carrying drugs with me. It is the privilege that no one will assume that I was born outside of the United States and no one will assume that I do not have the money or the right to be there. It is the privilege that having to stand for 5-7 seconds unaided is an annoyance and possibly a health risk down the line, but little more. It is the privilege of having a body that enables me to choose between sexual assault and an x-ray machine (though I'm with the people who would argue that neither is a great choice). This, too, is my lived reality of passing.

But forget about me. Come to think of it, let's forget about more than just me. Let's forget that transsexual people, people of color and people with disabilities face all kinds of discrimination and policing in their everyday life. Let's focus in on airport security. In the Nader article, he makes the argument that the new "pat-down" procedures are a scare tactic to enforce the use of the scanning machines. But what if the use of the scanning machine is undesirable or impossible? What about the trans woman who is stuffing her bras to "pass" in the airport? Will she be groped and have her breasts removed as the flight attendant with a prosthetic breast was (story here)? What will that feel like?

What about the teenager with an arrhythmia who is asked to step through the x-ray machine? Will they be groped because they refused to step into the machine (which would destroy their pacemaker and potentially their heart)? (Yes) What about people who use a wheelchair? (Yes) What about people who use a cane? (Yes) Those who can't stand for 5-7 seconds without aid? (Yes)

What we see here is the systematic punishment of people whose bodies are not "how they are supposed to be." This means not White. This means not "able." This means not cissexual. This punishment occurs in several ways. One punishment is the punishment of fear - even if one is not picked to go through the line, it would not surprise me that America's history of colonization, enslavement, racism, and islamophobia will play a role the anxiety levels of people of color and Muslim people as they near the new scanners. There is also the fear of racial profiling - which has not been proven nonexistent. Additionally, there is fear of being outed as trans through the use of the scanner (which picks up things as small and frivolous as hair elastics). Another punishment is the punishment of disobedience. Essentially, this means the following: "You do not conform? You must pay!" We see this in the trans person's fear - the fear of being outed and delegitimized - as well as the forced assault on people with disabilities who must pay simply because the world is not made for them - and how dare they. As a person who passes in most (if not all) of these ways, I am outraged that my fellow humans would ever be punished this way.

To bring this back into context, I am not arguing that the use of these machines and "pat-downs" is humane. Of course it is not. It would be degrading for anyone, regardless of age, disability status, race, class, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, creed, hair color, or food preference to be sexually assaulted by public official (how do you think they feel?). But more than just this point, to me, this reeks of policing on more levels than just airports. This is about identity and privilege. This is about oppression and (hopefully) resistance.

So I recognize the policing. I recognize the tools of oppression. And I want to resist them. But I'll ask you one question: am I thinking twice, making sure my clothing for tonight is as "gender appropriate" as I can muster? As my Minnesotan colleagues like to put it, "Oh, you betcha."


Update: For more trans-friendly information about traveling, please see this website.

NaNoWriMo

I've been feeling very disorganized lately - supremely so. I've been having trouble focusing at work and trouble motivating myself to do things that aren't looking toward what I would like to do in the future. Kind of grim.

I'm not sure where all of the grimness is coming from. Sure, getting kicked out of my place took its toll. That ticket did too, and cemented my eternal hatred for Minnesota. But really I think my soul-crushing office job is what is really getting to me. I am sure it is perfect for someone but it's very clear to me that I am not that person. I spend most of my time sitting in front of a computer screen thinking about mundane tasks and details. I rarely interact in a meaningful way with anyone, though sometimes I truly value my coworkers, and rarely think about the Big Picture Ideas that get me all excited. To make matters worse, when I get "home" I cook dinner and feel exhausted. Also, I feel like I never have any time to myself anymore. It's kind of like there is never any silence in my life anymore. I have come to realize how dearly I need that silence.

But anyway, that's not the main point of my post. I wanted to talk about NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month (more info here: LINK). I've known about it for years and years now. Ever since I gained an online presence, which I suppose was when I was in 9th or 10th grade of high school, I've known about the event. That said, I've never participated. It seems great - a great and rewarding challenge.

Maybe I lack confidence in my creativity. Maybe I lack confidence in my ability to follow through. I do know that I am afraid my story wouldn't be well thought out, wouldn't go anywhere, there wouldn't be character development, etc. I am much more comfortable writing something like a journal entry. When I need to create someone (or heaven forbid multiple someones), they usually end up hitting a bit too close to home. Narcissistic? Hopefully not. I take it as a sign that I like to write what I know. Fantasy is a terrifying leap off into the unknown. Yes, I feel like I would have to research for at least a month prior to November to actually have the information necessary to actually write a novel in November.

The last big writing project I undertook was years ago. A (former) friend and I planned to write two novels, each of us writing a chapter at a time. We wouldn't tell the other our intended path for our section, we just had to write something and pass it along. Our stories actually started out quite interestingly - and differently - though one definitely sounded like a Chuck Palahniuk novel. It was a good exercise in creativity, as well as perspective-taking. Anyway, I think we ended up only getting through two or three chapters. The files are all on my old computer, which I gave to a friend and was later stolen. Too bad.

I thought about NaNoWriMo because a friend from college is participating this year. I've always admired people who end up finishing their novels - hell, even people who start and write every day. I think it's a really amazing feat - the definition of a novel is 50,000 words. That's a lot of pages. That's a lot of hours.

It brings up an interesting point. I'm not sure anyone with Admission Possible would be able to complete the task. It's the beginning of college applications, as well as the beginning of Kaplan training. Essentially, everyone is very busy getting students into college. It's not unheard of for people to work 11 hour days. Who is NaNoWriMo for? Although, who is the Internet for, really? I am lucky to have lived in places that have da webz, but if I were just living alone somewhere, I don't know how I would get online. At coffee shops?

Maybe I'll start my own NaNoWriMo and not tell anyone.

After a Long Hiatus

I can't seem to keep up this blog shindig. That is not to say I've given up, just that I hope to rise to the challenge of a weekly (or monthly) post - be on the lookout for that.

To summarize my life since my last post, graduation occurred, I started my AmeriCorps position at Admission Possible, committing myself to Minnesota for at least 12 months. At Admission Possible, I was selected to serve on a board of AmeriCorps members called the InterCorps Council (henceforth referred to as the ICC) - oh yeah, and elections are happening as we speak.

AmeriCorps
So what's up with AmeriCorps? There are three types of AmeriCorps positions - State, VISTA, and NCCC. I'm a State AmeriCorps member, which means a few things. For example, I can elect to pursue another job outside of my position at Admission Possible, whereas this is prohibited in the VISTA contract. I also have a set amount of hours I must complete by the end of my term, unlike VISTAs, who have seemingly sold their souls away for one year. Lastly, to mention the last branch of AmeriCorps, I am housed in a building and must find my own housing and food, unlike NCCC, whose primary task is to provide disaster relief - Corps members participating in NCCC live in bunks together, travel frequently, and are given food as part of their experience.

If you're reading this and pause to think, "Huh, well...what does that mean you actually do?" Good question! What I do really has more to do with the non-profit organization I serve with than the larger structure of AmeriCorps itself.

Oh, and if you're wondering about my "salary" and "benefits," they're not good. I am technically unemployed, I receive a living allowance, and the health benefits are unimpressive.

Admission Possible
So Admission Possible. The mission of Admission Possible is to help low-income students get into college by providing ACT preparation and college counseling services. That said, you're probably still thinking, "so what - what do you do?!" I'll get there. Stick with me.

So, the structure of my branch of the organization is as follows: approximately 20 staff are paid full-time to work in the offices, performing organizational and managerial tasks, for example supervising AmeriCorps members (of which there are approximately 60). Most AmeriCorps members, then, spend the bulk of their time in high schools - they are assigned students, who they help with ACT preparation their Junior year and college applications and financial aid their Senior year.

But if you thought I just shared what I do, think again! No no, I am one of the exceptions, a coveted few whose primary role is not to interact directly with students. I am the Consortium Member, meaning I manage relationships between Admission Possible and four colleges who have paid a chunk of change to gain special access to our students. This means I get to know Travis, Keith, Chuck, and Jess (admissions representatives), and make sure that they get what they need. I help orchestrate campus visits, plan large events (college fairs), distribute information to other AmeriCorps members pertinent to Consortium schools, monitor and process applications to schools, and am currently performing intake for a new Program Coordinator position in our office. In addition, I am currently researching student resources, services and programming for low-income students at other colleges and universities. One could say I wear many hats.

I am not, however, alone in the office. Far from it, Cubeland (the area where my cubicle is located) is a lively area, filled with the laugther of myself as well as three of my colleagues who perform similar administrative/organizational tasks. This is a double edged sword, for reasons I will save for a later post.

ICC
As I mentioned earlier, in addition to my work at Admission Possible, I was chosen (I did turn in an application, they didn't just anoint me) to serve on a council of AmeriCorps members from organizations across the state of Minnesota. To be honest from the getgo, If I had known what I was getting into when I signed up, I probably wouldn't have carried through with my initial ambitions. That said, I will recount some of the events occuring via this wonderful opportunity.

To begin our ICC year, we had a day-long retreat, to which I showed up half an hour late, much to my chagrin. At any rate, the day was long, and somehow I managed not only to switch committees I was placed on, but also to be elected the Chair of my committee (the Education/Training Committee). None of this answers what the ICC does. That's because the ICC is still a bit of an illusive creation in my mind.

Members of the council are split up into one of 5 committees (one being the President and Vice President). The other four committees are: Service, Networking/Social, Communications, and Education/Training. As the Chair of the Education/Training committee, let me be the first to tell you that it is our goal to further the professional development of Corps members (ICC and non) through educational trainings and opportunities. The Service committee arranges service opportunities, the Communications team communicates the goals and accomplishments of the ICC to the larger Corps and Minnesota world, and the Networking/Social helps people be social and network. Whoo! What's our budget, you ask? If I told you to draw a half circle, then draw the rest of the half circle, would you be able to guess the number you just drew?

At any rate, I will refrain, again, from my more opinion comments, though my descriptions are already laden with opinions, if only because I am pressed for time. But rest assured, more on this!

Elections 2010
Lastly, and most (or least) consequentially, elections! They are happening right now! At this point, all I have is my gut reaction, which is something like, "Boo! :(" I hope that in the future, all people will be able to see the leaps and bounds traveled and actions taken by the current government, as well as acknowledge the limitations of that government and the American political process.

I will also add that the Tea Party Movement scares me. I'm shakin' in my boots over here. But then another part of me says, "Bring It On!"